One thing that I noticed in particular was a part where they found anorexia cases in a society where being fat is considered beautiful, and that the number of cases was proportional (given the population size) to the number of cases in the UK and the US. This ties in with what I believe, which is that societal pressures to be thin aren't that big of a contributer compared to the biological factors. My main belief for this comes from finding statistics about eating disorders in Finland (I don't have the link). I've spent a fair amount of time in Finland the population in general has a very healthy attitude to food and exercise. Yet the statistics for anorexia and anorexic behaviours were actually slightly higher for a national Finnish survey than for the reported cases in America.
The documentary talks a lot about stress and the biological causes/effects of stress behaviours. I'm certain it was stress that was the biggest contributor in my disorder because I have brief relapses whenever I have to study for exams.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?d
Maybe it was because one of my other best friends was there with us on the holiday that she didn't acknowledge what was running through both our minds when we ate a meal? Or maybe it was because we are both still trying to get better...
...Although in saying that, Ive lost another 9lbs in the last 2 weeks, without even trying. I don't really know how I feel about it, because I know that I have been beginning to lose control over what I eat lately. I just can't bring myself to eat like the people around me do. It makes me feel dirty and unworthy.
I went to the gym today. My Mum has been making kindof jokey comments about my recent weight loss, but I know that deep down she has an idea about what is going on.
I made a mistake today. I used a 3lbs kitchen weight to check that my scales were accurate, and I left the weights in my room. My parents were asking questions and were suspicious. Its actually quite surprising how heavy 3lbs is. Its nothing bad, but it just added to their already growing suspicions I think.
Please let me know how you are doing. I haven't talked to someone in the same situation as me for what feels like a lifetime.
xxxxx
P.S. Most of the women in Russia are sticks. It made me feel even more shit than before.
- Mood:
crappy
Im so low
Anyone ever tried the sarcred heart 'diet'???
Let me no if it works
Thanks xx
- Mood:
cold
Pain meds are working wonders though
I swear i'm going crazy, i'm getting hallucinations and my dreams are so real, I can't distinguish fantasy from reality.
it's finally over, the 19 year old boy has ended it, this is a boy who has been with every tear, every failed friendship, everything, and now it's over purely because i'm a selfish, cold, fat bitch.
I'm completely and utterly in love.
Who else gets results on thursday? Who else is dreading it?
For my next dance exam, me and my dance partner Jay have to have a Lift within the dance, we're doing it to propane nightmares OR Blood sugar by pendulum, i really need to weight less for that.
I had half a can of green beans with 0-calorie seasoning salt on top.
It was delish!!
When I get home I plan to eat the other half of the can for dinner, giving me a total of 80 calories today.
OH, but I am going to have lemonaid at work tonight, so we'll guestimate that the lemonaid is about 50 calories.
So my grand total, should I follow my plan, will be 130 calories.
That's what I like to see.
If I can end my day with around 100 calories, I'm usually pretty content.
Which I will be :)
If you really want it, you will get it.
XoXo
- Mood:
blah
Well I'm on the pill so my periods come like the same time every month, and I know from not eating enough your periods stop right? Well I wanna know if I'm on the pill will I still get periods even if I'm not eating enough or will they stop??
Sorry but I don't know who to ask and I went on the internet but didnt find anything helpfull....
Thanks in advance <3 x
Okay, so I haven't been bingeing but i have been eating fatty foods, like bacon and pizza and that, so my hope to be 128 tomorrow is out of the window...
I'm not gonna weigh myself, but I think I'm about 131 so I'm just gonna wait untill tomorrow to actually see. I'm gonna try eating as little as possible today.
By September 1st moring, I HAVE to be 125 so lets just say thats like 6/7lbs in about 10 days, I really wanna do it. I'm at my dads tomorrow so things are gonna be a lil fucked, he makes me eat.
I'm gonna skip breakfast, eat as little as I can at lunch, and then eat dinner, hopefully I'll eat around 1000 calories.
Thursday I'm gonna have about 500 calories, and then on Friday I got 2 friends staying over! But I'll be at my house and at my house I have more control than what I do at others houses.
We are having pizza, I'm gonna have 1 slice. We will probs end up buying junk food, but I'm gonna try to eat as little as possible, maybe a few sweets to keep them satisfied cos they worry about me cos at school I NEVER eat, but I told them I'm happy with my body, its who I am and that so they should be of my back a bit.
Hmm, if I'm 125lbs at the begginging of September, I wanna be 120 by the end, I know 5lbs in a month? but I just don't wont my friends and family on my back, I'm just gonna say I'm eating the same just stopped eating junk.
Basically I'll tell you this lil thing. I smoke weed, and I spend like £20 on it a week, and cos I'll be having more money cos I'm stopping at the end of this month, I'll say its from not buying food, cos thats what I tell my mum, I go to take away shops and eat so yeah thats why I'm loosing weight..... DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?? I hope so.
Anyways, I gotta get ready for work now... I'll talk to you's tonight or tomorrow!
Have a good day <3333
so i havent gotten my period in 3? 4? months
and my mums going fucking crazy
she says its coz i havent been eating
when actually i kinda have.. due to stress and school
what should i do ?!
do you want to hear something terribly sad? i start school one week from tomorrow and im two pounds heavier than when the summer began. from all the fucking beingeing. i starved as usual all through june and july and after several binges that ruined my progress, i decided to go on a low carb diet. basically i just ate egg whites and chicken for about two weeks and noticed my pants getting much loser (i didnt weigh myself at all). and last thursday i had such a nasty binge. i dont know how much i lost, but im sure i gained it all back. im so hopeless. and my metabolism is so dead.
but summers over now and its time for a change. i start dance camp tomorrow, which is solid dancing from 9 in the morning till 5 at night, all week. so that should definitly help. im gonna reach 105 pounds someday, i just have to.
sorry for the pointless post, im sure most of you dont care. i just wanted to check in. how is everyone doing?? i bet ive missed so much
xoxo
Today was rough. I barely sleep anymore, which is good because I just exercise when I can't sleep, but bad because I had work. I've just had black coffee, green tea, half of a Lunchable, a chicken tender with mustard, a sugar-free Jell-o, and a lot of lettuce. I don't even know how many calories that is, but I'm fairly certain I'm within my safe zone of 500-800.
School starts Thursday. And I need a quick vent about financial aid.
My FAFSA (a federal student aid thing) was processed on March 18. Processed, completed, confirmed, all of the above. And yet now, just a week before school starts, they're telling me that I'm missing some forms. So I have to go down tomorrow morning to the office to turn in these forms. If these aren't processed and if I don't get my money, I CAN'T GO THIS SEMESTER.
And if I can't go this semester, there's a good chance I'll kill someone.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_q
( Full Article Under Cut )
I came across this while searching around to see if she really did have a boob job (something I noticed in a recent photo but is probably not true).
She has been reported to have had - and has made a lot of poignant art regarding - repeated trauma in her life, including sexual abuse, abortions and depression.
So, I thought that it was an interesting insight into the candid descriptions of body image from someone who could relate to many of us here.
X-posted to
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purgatorium- Location:Studio
- Mood:artistic
- Music:Cage
today was a 500-800 day for me.
tomorrow im going to consume only 500 or less cals. (yogurt, oats and honey, special k, soup or salad, apple, and prbably a 50 cal ice cream bar) well see.
after work which ends tomorrow at 3pm, i will go home and exercise on the trail, run and walk. this whole week is going to be sunny and hott thank goodness.
tuesday im off so ill work out an earlier time.
yesterday i was running/power walkig for about an hour and a half and riding my bike afterwards for an hour.
tomorrow im going to do the same.
foods i will give up till november are:
meat
sushi
ice cream (except the 50 cal bar)
bread
rice
all these foods are pretty much my weakness....its mostly tho that ice cream is my weakness :-/
<3
my goal is to weigh 133 by next week.
Quick update:
Just come back from the family holiday.
Im now a tanned beach babe. I manged to brave the the first few days in a tankini and then for some reason i just felt brave enough to strut around with a bikini on. In a way i feel proud that after so many years of body image horrors i actually allowed myself to do this. however what you should also know is, is that i spent most time in the sea and pool because i felt less exposed there to peoples watchful eyes plus i like swimming - good calorie burning and that i spent a lot of sunbathing time on my front so my belly was on show (its an area of my body i struggle with the most)... i have a very nice tanned back now.
For some reason im on such a high. I've come back home and i tided my room... and even rearranged it. I seem to do this from time to time. I think to myself if i change my room around i can change my life around, improve it. make it look better. which is exactly what im doing. My parents are going to stay in the county for a few days. Perfect fasting oppurtunity. In the hollidays we ate breakfast but i always managed to "accidently" sleep in and my parents just left me asleep while they went down for the all you can eat buffet and the odd time i did go down i said i wasnt hungry or i ate a 97 calorie yoghurt. even then i just sat and span my spoon around on - choosing to drink hot water instead - i seem to have a fetich for just drinkin ghot water, random i know. anyway my family dont really do lunch and at dinner time i said i had been snacking all day or made some excuse up or just plan basically left the food carefully shoving it all to one side of my plate and carefully sculpting a moutain shape with it. i always get told not to play with my food...so i just sit at dinner and listen to the conversations around me. but as most of you know hollidays are just a hell whole of tempations however im not gettin to hard on myself because now im just thinking about starting a fresh. ( i do this everyweek - every morning actually).
anyway im now going to watch gymnastics (im addicted to the olympics this year) and then ill probs do some of my own gymnastics at the same time.
Summer goal *to actually get my middle splts flat* :)
Ill also do as many press stands as i can do with out collapsing into bed. im exhausted after an eventful day of flying around the world lol.
hope everyones ok. xxxx
It's nearly 6am, I can't sleep so now I'm going to complain because It's what I do best.
. Nausea
. Stomach ache
. I can't move my mouth without my nose stinging
. My nose constantly hurts and pain killers are not working
. I've spent the last few days dehydrated
. I'm constantly out of breath
. My Insomnia has come back in full force
. I'm shaking and I can't stop
. I can't taste a damn thing
. Nose still blocked with dried blood
. If I stand up for more than a few minutes I collapse
and my mood is generally rock bottom.
I believe the surgery was worth it but all this is still hell. Two more day until this damn splint is off of my nose
Just in time for school to begin once again.
I'm back at 130. Where I swore I would never be again.
But starting tomorrow, I'll have access to my gym again, and I plan to burn at least 800 calories a day there. And the way my classes and work are scheduled, NO ONE will be able to keep tabs on my eating! I have classes all day Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday (from 8:00 until 6:45), and every other day of the week I will have work for most of the day, so no one will know how much I've eaten. I love it.
I've missed the feeling of support from this group, particularly since my mum is driving me insane. Since I work so much, I only see her for about ten minutes a day, and she chooses to use those ten minutes to criticize my sleep habits (i.e. my not sleeping more than two hours a night, as though it were somehow my fault) and the fact that I spend my hard-earned money from time to time. God forbid I buy anything other than food (ha), petrol, and medicine!
So glad to be back.
I want to stay forever.
I have, however, realized that I'm crazier than I will ever allow myself to accept. I can't explain how it feels to be feeling what I'm feeling right now. The closest I've ever come to people who feel similar was in a bipolar community, but they just irritated me because they were a metaphorical step behind me.
I love this feeling but I hate what it makes me want to do.
- Mood:indescribable
- Music:Kings Of Leon - Trani / The Kills - Fuck the People
I guess i should update on my injuries
back + abs; I have no idea, It's a crippling pain I get once in a while but I've never had an ab pain aswell, i'm assuming it's some kind of muscle problem.
Hand; injured it skiing, waiting surgery.
I'm on the waiting list for the surgery on my hand, i'm not looking forward to it. Four weeks in a cast, and eight weeks in a splint with about 1 1/2 years or Physiotherapy.
I couldn't sleep last night, I fell asleep at 7:30am when I went to bed at 11pm, i woke up at 8:30.
im going to mexico the 26th- 31 of august. and boy is it going to suck. my goal when im there is to only eat salads...and healthy foods, like fruit, and really small portion. its not really the food for me...its mostly the dessert. but if i want dessert ill only have like 3 small tbls of ice cream and thats all. but dessert is mostly going to be alchol for me. and tequila. and im scared about the cals. but who goes to mexico without having any drinks? not me
but that is my goal...cause i only have 2 months to loose weight for the wedding on nov 2., and my goal is to loose 20 pounds...but if not i need to loose more. my goal when i come back form mexico is to weigh 130 or less. i cant weigh anything above.
i still weigh 134.
but im also going to europe, oct 21-nov 1st. but im going with my friend who has an eating disorder. she wont admitt it, but i know she does cause her son who is 8 told me she goes to the bathroom and throws up. and shes so skinny too...like 80 pounds. you can tell. so yea
No joke, I stood in under the freezing water for fifteen minutes and kept making the water more cold as I got more used to it so I would stay cold and keep loosing calories.
I feel like I'm torturing myself just to keep myself under control.
But I guess that's what I need.
If I eat anything at all, I break down and cry.
If I don't eat, I think about food.
Food Food Food... Its all my brain thinks about.
Is it the same for you guys too?
I just find myself obsessing about food and not eating and my weight all day long all the time.
Tomorrow I start my new plan with these rules:
Only very low cal foods will be consumed in amounts less than 75 calories at a time.
No soda or coffee is to enter my body.
Water will be my main source of liquids.
Veggies and Fruits will be my main source of foods.
ABSOLUTELY NO bread products and stay away from carbs
Should i break these rules... I'll punish myself severely.
- Mood:Suicidal
8 oz. of Gatorade - 100 cals i think?
and one protien shake - 190 cals.
then i exercised and burnt around 300 (:
i guess ill admit my stats which are dreaful.
age: 14
height: 5'8
weight: 160
lowest: 118
i gained so much weight because about a year ago, i started going through a major depression and ate, ate, ate. so now i am fasting/ restricting until i reach my final goal of 95 lbs. ive struggled with anorexia/bulimia for about a year now. does anyone have similar stats? or just want to fast with me?
anyone can text me at 717.480.0583
love you girls<3
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ohyesitsroxy- Roxy
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